In class today, we discussed a thought experiment about a "good-life" salesman; selling the ideas of how to best live one's life with two choices- living a life of avoiding bad faith and living a life without worrying about bad faith.
I didn't really think too much of this in class today. Lately, my thoughts have been extremely convoluted; I'm worrying about money, I'm worrying about music, I'm worrying about my family, and everything else has kind of faded into the background. It's been mostly to my detriment, by sleeping in and missing class, I feel like I have deducted points out of some imaginary "existentialism" piggy bank, and lost out on a meaningful discussion that could, with time, make a huge impact on my life.
Fortunately, I didn't miss the day on bad faith, and that kinda woke me up into a state of lucid consciousness again. I've taken the past few days with a grain of salt, and I've paid attention to some of my habits. Since everything in my life tends to point me towards music, I'll use that as a foil to explain my thoughts on Sartre's bad faith.
I said in my last post that my guitar practice has been a source of bad faith, and I stand by that; today, however, I inspected it a little bit more closely than I had before, and I think that it's worse than I thought it was. That is, I know that I've been slacking on the practice, but more than that, I'm not paying attention to what I'm playing. So in a very real sense, I'm not lucid of my decisions while I'm doing the one thing that frees me from what Sartre would call my anguish, but I'm instead wrapping myself up within it- I'm basking in it without even noticing how ignorant I am of my playing, of my note choice, of my melodies.
I spoke in class, today, and I said that I'd rather know why I'm sad than not know why I'm happy; and now that I have a clear cut, personally dear issue to really case my argument, it makes a lot more sense. Because when I pay attention to my music, when I really take the time to swim through it, rather than just gliding along with my head lost in the clouds, I appreciate it more. I can play my melody with conviction, knowing that it's going to highlight and support the notes of the chords underneath it, rather than just dancing all over the fretboard, ecstatic but blissfully ignorant of how mechanical my playing is. When I play with the conviction of my lucidity, when I consciously choose my notes and control my future, it's not just happiness that I find- it's a very real sense of self actualization.
So yes, I have lived without worrying about bad faith- as my happy and aimless love of my music has carried me through my life many years- but now that I know the difference, and I can hear my own, unique voice flourishing with my awareness, I don't think I'll ever go back. I can't imagine going back, when this is so much more fulfilling.
I think I'll have to go with avoiding bad faith. It has made me appreciate my life a little bit more, even if only for moments at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment