I guess, in essence, this subject leaves me confused. I mean, what really makes us people? Do we get to make choices, or do we have the illusion of choice? Does lucidity in choosing mean that we are capable of actually living life passionately, or is that something else entirely?
I wish I had answers to this. My life lately has changed drastically, and I'm not quite sure where the pieces are going to fall now that they're in the air. Equally important, I think, is the fact that I'm not sure which I'm more anxious about- the reality of my situation, or the multitude of possibilities stemming from this reality. I honestly do not know what is going on or what is going to happen, but what I do know is that it's happening. Were I to be the sailor on this ship, I'm not so certain that I even HAVE a sail, let alone a rudder, but I do know that the current is pulling me along and that I'm entirely lucid of that fact. Does this mean that I'm living in the right way? Am I still the master of my fate, even if I'm not sure what my choices are, since I'm subconsciously deciding what to do?
I don't know. I'm curious as to what Kierkegaard would say about my situation. I feel like he'd have good insight, whether or not we're religiously compatible, and I'd love to hear him talk about it. I'm just so lost right now, and to hold onto the metaphor, it would be really, really nice to have an anchor to just hold the current so that I could weigh out my options and see what all my decisions are. Rather than that being the case, I need to choose and I need to choose quickly, or else I'll be swept up by the current. Does that mean that I'm actively letting my circumstances decide my life, though?
I hope not. Regardless, I'm anxious, and I don't even have the luxury of know what of.
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